DUDE, SHE’S NOT GOING TO BANG YOU!

Lonely hearts lose millions to AI 'girlfriends' run by basement-dwelling tech bros.

The Context: A massive fraud ring just got busted. They used “untraceable” AI-generated influencers to fleece lonely fans out of millions in ‘digital gifts.’ These virtual heartbreakers weren’t supermodels; they were controlled by a bunch of sweaty IT guys in a suburban office park.

The Squeeze: You fell in love with a bunch of pixels, and the pixels took your retirement fund. When the Feds raided the place, they didn’t find a supermodel; they found Gary in his underwear eating cold pizza. It’s the ultimate 2026 hustle: paying for “exclusive access” to a girl who doesn’t even have a pulse.

[HOCO’S TAKE] "If you’re sending your paycheck to a chatbot because she 'understands' you, you need a reality check. She’s not real, she’s not coming over, and she definitely isn't going to bang you. You just paid for Gary’s new Lamborghini. Stay trashy."